Tips for Talking to Children About Divorce

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By Richard

Talking to your kids about divorce is one of the most difficult conversations you will have with them. But it is really important that they hear it from you, rather than someone else. Your children would probably remember this conversation, what you said, and where and when it took place. It would be best if you planned this talk with your spouse so that you develop a joint narrative on this.

We give below six worthwhile tips to follow before talking to your kids about divorce.

  • Talk to them as a family.

It is essential that both parents should plan the conversation together. Plan what you will say and when you will tell them. Kids need to know the reason for the separation. They need to feel loved and reassured that you will be there for them even after the separation. Tell them that you will continue to love and support them.

  • Try to be honest and open.

It is important that you be open and honest about your separation. Use simple language that your children would understand. Be prepared to answer the questions of older children in a separate conversation if needed. If there have been conflicts prior to the decision to separate you can refer to them and explain that this is the reason that you have decided to live separate lives.

  • Explain that it’s not their fault.

Some children will feel that they are the reason for the separation. In this case, you have to reassure them that the decision to separate is made by the parents and that children are rarely the reason for a breakup.

Do not blame anyone else for the separation. Just explain that adults have certain expectations from their spouse, and when this does not happen, the adults become unhappy and discontented, which could lead to a decision to separate in the long run.

  • Control your emotions.

The decision to separate could leave you feeling highly emotional. However, you need to keep your emotions under control and focus on your children when you are having the discussion with them. Experienced Denver divorce lawyers at Hogan Omidi have seen how emotions intertwined can complicate divorce cases for families. The state in which you have the conversation with children will have a lasting impact on how they form their own relationships in the future.

  • Deal with their concerns.

Children will have many questions relating to what will happen after the separation. You should encourage them to ask about their concerns. Let them know that the channels of communication will remain open at all times. Questions relating to whom they will live with, will the other parent be allowed to visit, will they remain in the same school or be allowed to continue with the same activities as before are common queries that have to be addressed.

  • Tackle their emotional difficulties.

Your children are likely to react to your separation in different ways. They might display changes in feelings and behavior. It is necessary to reassure them that this is okay. Tell them to talk about how they are feeling. This will develop feelings of trust, connection and stability.

It is quite likely that the separation process will result in your children going through a grieving process. They are trying to process the changes that are happening in their family dynamic. You and your spouse are trying to work out what the new normal will look and feel like in much the same manner.


Divorce is a difficult phase in the lives of both parents and children. If your children are showing signs of not coping, it is best to hire the services of a counselor. Such a professional can help them process the separation and the changes happening in their family and life.

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